Welcome To Oblivion
by LinaBenliven
Summary: Our lives are rarely as black and white as we want them to be. Things change and people aren't who or what we want them to be. But that doesn't mean we give up on them. Even if everyone else can see that that one person will never change. After all, they love us right?
1. The Ghost of You - Keith

"What do you mean Shiro is gone?" My voice comes out as a whisper as I look at the Matt in front of me. He had to be joking. He hadn't gone, he couldn't have gone. I bite my lip and look at my hands. My old habits kicking in again from when I got scolded for fighting against other children. It hadn't mattered who had started it. All that it had mattered was that I had continued the fight. Not the bruises and cuts covering my skin.

"Shiro's gone Keith. He discharged himself from the hospital." Matt says and I look at him as the words he had said slowly sunk in. The ginger male had been fairly quiet in the days since he had woken up. He had told his parents and us what he remembered, but neither Katie or I had wanted to push him any further. Not when Katie had the black box from the plane, amongst several other parts of the plane, sat waiting for her at home. She would find out the truth. I had faith that she would. So instead me and Katie had stayed by our brother's side.

We had slept here, me in Shiro's room and Katie in Matt's room. I hadn't wanted to leave and refused to move when the nurses had tried to get me to sleep in my own room. The only time I had left Shiro was to go to toilet or to check on Matt while nurses checked on Shiro. And the minute the nurses had left I was back at Shiro's side, sitting on a far too uncomfortable hospital chair, lost in my own thoughts and listening to the beeping of the machines that assured me he was still alive.

One of the nurses had eventually taken pity on Katie and me, bringing us some spare pillows and blankets so that we weren't uncomfortable on the floor. It had taken Katie several seconds to settle down in the makeshift bed before fallen asleep next to her brother. It had taken me several hours before I had felt even remotely tired. And in those several hours, I had checked on Shiro several times. Just needing to check that he was still breathing and still alive.

I had lost so many things during my life that I couldn't deal with the thought of losing Shiro. He had been a big part of my life for so long, and the fact that he had nearly been taken away from me hurt. He had been the only person in the orphanage that had bothered to talk to me when we had both been there. And he had nearly been taken away from me because he had told me he didn't need me as a pilot for his recent flight. That they were going to test Katie's autopilot system without a pilot on board. Knowing that we had tested it many times with a pilot on board, I understood the need to test it without me there as a safety measure. But as I think about Shiro and the state he was in, I can't help but think that I should have acted on the terrible feeling I had had that day.

 _I should have insisted on going._

The thought had stuck with me these past few weeks and I wanted more than anything to go back in time and fix that mistake. Maybe then Shiro would have both his arms. Maybe then him and Matt wouldn't be injured. Maybe then Katie and me wouldn't feel so guilty.

I knew why the younger Holt sibling felt guilty. She had designed the autopilot system that had been used on their flight, and injured both Matt and Shiro. It had failed, yet Katie hadn't had the time or the energy to go and check her programming. She had told me that once Matt was discharged she was _definitely_ going to check it. I had told her that it didn't matter, that we couldn't undo what had happened but the smaller girl had cried and just said she **_had_** to do something. I understood that need. The need to do something to help, to make sure that it hadn't been my fault. But I couldn't think of anything that I could say or do that would help Katie feel better. So, I hadn't said anything.

And when Shiro had woken up I hadn't said anything. I didn't know what to say. Instead I had just started to cry. I had cried with relief that my brother was okay. That he was _alive._ He hadn't tried to stop me crying, instead that he made a terrible pun about being never being right anymore. I had cried more, but there had been a small smile on my face. I had missed Shiro's puns as terrible as they were, and hearing him make one made me feel utter relief. I had missed his voice so much.

I had gone and told Katie and Matt while the nurses checked Shiro over. Then we got told that his left arm may not even work and they wouldn't know until after he had gone to physical therapy for an assessment. We all had waited patiently for the verdict and the minute we had been told that his left arm had little to no mobility; Katie had gone home. She had said something about working on something to help and I had gotten angry, leaving Matt to calm me down.

He had made a relatively quick job of doing so. By holding me close and telling me that this was Katie's way of processing what had happened. His arms wrapped around my chest making sure I didn't hurt myself or someone else. Just like Shiro had told him too.

I hadn't seen or talked to her since. It had been weeks since then.

"Have you told Katie that he's gone?" I ask, once my disbelief that Shiro would be so stupid as to leave has largely vanished. I can feel what was left of my disbelief slowly turning to anger reminding me of the angry little kid I had been when Shiro had first met me. I had tried so hard to not be that kid anymore, and yet here I was being exactly that.

"Not yet, she's still at home working." Matt says and I notice the sadness in his voice. Matt had taken himself off to his apartment to recover mentally and emotionally as most of the superficial injuries he had received from the crash had healed. I had kept him up to date on Shiro's progress but, I didn't really discuss anything else with him.

 _I had nothing else to discuss with him._

Shiro was the only thing important in my life. He was my employer and my older brother. He was the one who promised to look after me after everyone else gave up. He had reassured me that I did have a family when I got upset when yet another potential adoption for me fell through because they learned that I liked to fight a bit too much. And with me spending all my time by his side I had nothing else to talk about. I hadn't known whether to ask Matt if he was okay, as he generally played it off with a joke, or if he felt better just in case it reminded him of why I wasn't there in person. So, I had kept my updates as brief as possible, in the hopes of that being what was best for Matt.

"Then let's go tell her." I say before picking up my jacket off the hospital chair I had left it strewn over. I had had the red, fake motorbike jacket since I had met Shiro, and it was only recently that it had begun to fit me properly. Part of the reason being the muscle mass I had finally accumulated from working out with Shiro. So, if I couldn't have my brother, I was going to have my jacket with me until I had him back, just so that he was always with me.

The drive to the Kerberos Enterprise labs was quiet. I didn't feel like talking and my car didn't have music that both me and Matt enjoyed. Not that Matt had tried to initiate any conversation himself. But, somehow it didn't seem to be uncomfortable silence. Matt and me never seem to have uncomfortable silences. Possibly because we had been friends ever since Shiro had become friends with him.

Shiro had introduced us shortly after he had met him at college. He had explained to me that he wanted to start an aerospace engineering and space tech company, but to do so he needed to meet people with experiences in those departments. He had found Sam and Colleen Holt, and their genius children Matt and Katie. When he explained several of his initial ideas the Holt family had gotten very excited about them and put him in contact with several other people they had worked with over the years. Thus, Kerberos Enterprises was born and it was doing very well for itself. Enough to warrant them recruiting engineers and astronautic specialists from local colleges for graduate and intern work and quickly becoming one of the leading names in its departments.

It had done so well in fact that when I had realised that my original dream of being an astronaut meant a lot of time away from Shiro and as a result had dropped out; he had hired me there. He had made sure that I was able to learn to fly planes through the company's flight school and upon my graduation he had made me _his_ pilot. A title I had been so happy to have. And although the development of Katie's autopilot system had threatened to take this title away from me; I hadn't been mad. In fact, I had helped her with it when she explained some of the benefits it could have in commercial uses, and how she was certain that I wouldn't lose my title of Shiro's pilot. I had believed Katie's judgement on that.

But, after the way she had left when Shiro needed us, I think her judgement was in question. Not that I wanted to question the younger Holt on her behaviour, she could be rather angry and blunt when she wanted to be. And I didn't want to question Matt either because he would tell me that Katie was just like that sometimes. I had known Katie as long as I had known Matt, the three of us had bonded over a conspiracy theory about our governments knowledge of aliens, much to Shiro's dismay. And suddenly my family grew from just Shiro and me, to Katie, Matt, Sam, Colleen, Shiro and me. All four of the Holts would listen to me ramble as they worked, occasionally telling me their views on the subject. But during the entire time I had known her; Katie had never shut herself off the way she had after the crash. And naturally, it worried me a great deal.

I look over as I hear the chime that went off when Matt had typed the numerical code to get into Katie's workspace and I blink seeing that it was rather devoid of projects scattered around her lab. Normally the younger girl worked on several projects all at once, saying that it helped in case she got stuck on one project, she could work on another until she solved whatever had made her stuck. However, her workspace only seemed to have one project in sight today. I wasn't sure what it was but it looked like there was charts of human anatomy and numerous measurements mapped onto her blackboard. Further proving to me that she wasn't acting herself, her droid that normally followed her around as she worked was turned off and sat to one side. I hadn't seen that droid turned off since she had built him. I follow Matt with my eyes as he walks to Katie who's sat at her computer. Last time I had tried to stop her from working she had punched me in the gut. Shiro and Matt had laughed.

"Pidge. Can you stop this for a second? Need to talk." Matt says after taking Katie's headphones off her. I sit down on one of the stools off to the side and fold my arms slightly. I didn't want to get too involved with Katie and Matt's conversation. Mainly because if she was as upset as Matt seemed to think she was about Shiro being injured, I could see her crying when Matt told her that Shiro was now missing. And I was not good when anyone cried.

"Matt can this wait, I need to get this done." Her response is and I see her hit a few more keys on her keyboard before Matt pulls the chair away from her desk. "Matt! This is important!" She shouts and looks up at her brother with such a petulant expression.

"And so is this Katie!" Matt shouts back and I notice her expression changes. I had heard Matt shout angrily on two occasions that I remember. One had been when he was extremely overworked and overtired and someone had stolen his pizza bites from the Kerberos cafeteria microwave. And the other was when someone had catcalled Katie on the street shortly after I had met them both. But hearing him now, this is a different kind of angry.

This is _I've just lost my best friend_ anger.

"Okay, you have my attention go." Katie seems to recognise that this is different to Matt's teasing shouts. That he hasn't pulled her away from whatever code she had been working on for fun or for food. That this was actually serious.

"Shiro's missing. Discharged himself from hospital and he's not at his place or answering his phone." Matt manages to say without breaking down, although he does look very close to doing so. But it's the younger ginger's reaction that both worries and astounds me; s _he doesn't seem to react at all._ Silence falls in Katie's lab until her computer beeps and my attention turns to that.

"Katie…why did it beep?" I ask, trying to pull both Holt siblings back to reality. Maybe once she wasn't distracted by the need to finish her task she would answer? Matt shoots me a look as Katie slides across the floor back to her desk and scrolls through what's on the computer screen. I shrug, hoping the gamble pays off, before we both turn to her when she sighs.

"What is it?" Matt asks as he crosses to his sister. He looks concerned, yet I don't move from my spot.

"The autopilot system…someone tampered with it. It wasn't my fault…" Katie looks about to cry and so does Matt. But for me that means something different. It was brilliant that Katie no longer felt responsible for the crash. But, it made my guilt over not insisting that I go anyway even more soul crushing. If I had gone… Shiro wouldn't be missing.

"You need to get the technicians to take it off all the planes though… just in case." I say softly and both Holt siblings turn to me, before nodding in agreement.

"We will." Matt says softly before flashing me a reassuring smile. As if sensing that I was getting crushed underneath my own guilt.

"You said Shiro has vanished?"

"He's just vanished Pidge, could you track him down?" Matt asks and I smile when she stares at him, as though he's an idiot. It was a look I got a lot but I didn't mind. It was usually about a topic I had some interest in, but I enjoyed having her explain it to me. Just like I had enjoyed having Shiro teach me about the stars.

"Of course, I can, but what do you want me to do when I find him? Go to him and slap him because that's what I want to do when I find him." She says as she starts typing frantically at the computer. I had always been amazed at the speed she typed. Like a hamster on cocaine, was what Matt had said before. Something that had amused me for weeks.

"Pidge, you can look for him, but don't do anything if you find him." Matt says after a few minutes of deliberation. I see Katie frown and she's not the only one. I too wanted to slap Shiro for vanishing. But. I don't express this straight away, wanting to see what Matt suggests before I get annoyed.

"But!"

"No Pidge, tell me and Keith and we'll decide what to do together." Matt's voice is stern, and I'm not used to hearing that tone from him. Shiro is the stern one out of the pair, not Matt.

"I'm with Katie. I want to slap him." I say softly and I hear Matt sigh. And in one instant he goes back to being the Matt I'm used to as his facial expression.

"I get why, but can we agree that no violence until we find him and he's explained why he left?" Matt compromises after a few minutes and while I don't like that plan it is the one that makes sense. I knew Shiro would apologise for leaving, it was in his nature to do so. But I think I'm more hurt that he left without any warning. If he had told me, maybe I would feel less annoyed?

"Sure." Katie and I say, albeit a little reluctantly. Something that Matt shoots us both a look at before ruffling his hair out of frustration.

"Please god let it be soon, I don't want to be the dad of the group."


	2. Blue Roses - Lance

The first thing I feel when I walk into Nyma and Rolo's apartment is the overwhelming sense of despair. The marks that she had left last night throb as though they know that this is where they had been inflicted. It hurt. Everything hurt. My mind hurt. My body hurt and my heart hurt. But I came back. I always came back. Whether it was because I knew I should be thankful someone as beautiful as Nyma was interested in someone as pathetic and worthless as myself.

The apartment is quiet but I can hear the kettle whistling so I knew one of them was in at least. Then I hear them both quietly talking. It was worse when they were both here. It hadn't always been but since Rolo had gotten involved when I hadn't seen her all day a few weeks ago; it was worse. I didn't know Rolo's routine for me. He was stronger. I didn't know what he was going to do. I know what Nyma was going to do. She would hit and twist my limbs, make me have constellations of bruises. The only time she liked seeing me in blue. Rolo was unpredictable.

"Hello?" I call out as I put my key to their place into the key pot. I refuse to call it our place. I hated being here. I only tolerated it because Nyma wouldn't come to my place. I only stayed here when she was gone on her trips with Rolo but I would much rather be at my place. Where I felt _safe._

"Lance honey you're back." I hear her sickly-sweet voice from the kitchen and I instinctively gulp before I take my bag and coat off. I hated the clothes her and Rolo had bought me. They itched. But I loved _her_ , so I wore them. If only to see that happy face when I obeyed her.

"Yeah, my lesson was cancelled." I say before I feel her fingers curl around my wrist tightly. I knew that action. That meant that she usually wanted something from me. Something I never wanted to give.

She drags me through to Rolo in the kitchen and when I flinch at the kettle screeching to say it's boiled; he grins. It sends shivers down my spine and I know that whatever they wanted to happen was going to happen. I hated that about this.

 _But I love Nyma._

"Lance honey." My attention shifts as Nyma talks and she twirls one of her ponytails around her fingers as she smiles. I loved that smile of hers. Her eyes lit up and she looked beautiful. But, I couldn't interrupt her to tell her that because if I did she would get mad at me. "Rolo and me have to leave soon on a trip, and we're both a bit stressed can you be a good boy?" She coos and I feel my stomach do flips. I knew what she wanted. I knew it was going to happen no matter if I said no. I got everything that I deserved and more.

"Of course…" Is my reply and I feel Rolo's fingers snake around my wrist. His touch was different. It wasn't as rough, but it felt worse. It felt so much worse. His touch made me feel like I was going to be sick. I didn't love _him._ He had no right to touch me the way I did. But, I love _her,_ and because she wants him to touch me this way; I'll let him.

"Good, now let's get you on the bed." She purrs and my body lurches as they tug me to mine and Nyma's bedroom. The bedroom Rolo _shouldn't be in_. but he was always here. Watching. Laughing. Teasing. I don't resist as I'm thrown onto the bed. If I didn't want this I would push them away. That was what they always said. And I would. But I love Nyma, so I don't push her away and I don't push Rolo away.

Between the two of them my clothes come off quickly and I feel Nyma's lips on mine. I don't resist at her touch as Rolo pulls my trousers and boxers off my ankles. My skin crawls as he starts to stroke down my back and ass. Admiring the bruises Nyma had made last night. Just like he did every night. I pull away from the kiss to breath and Nyma pulls me down on top of her, forcing me inside her. I feel myself going numb, too used to this sequence of events. It was easier to go numb.

"Ignore Rolo honey, you said we could share you remember?" _I don't remember._ I nod at her and then cry out as Rolo forces himself inside me. "Shush you baby." She snaps and Rolo covers my mouth with his rugged hands. I was used to not speaking. I just wanted this over with. I hated it. But the more obedient I was the quicker it was over.

"He's giving in Nyma." _Don't. Don't talk about me like I can't hear you._

"I know, it's because he loves this, right honey?" _I don't. I love you._ I nod, and with that, Rolo begins thrusted hard into me.

 _I love her. I love her. I love her. I love her. I love her. I love her. I love her. I love her. I love her._ It repeats over and over in my head after the pair of them had left for their trip. She had dismissed my questions about where they were going, or what they were doing, with a smack to my head. I didn't need to know. I had wanted to. But I didn't _need_ to know. She left me with an expression of her love towards me and I believe her. She had chosen me over Rolo after all. She could have had him, but she chose **_me._** I didn't know why she had chosen me but she had. Which meant that she had to love me. There had to be something making her stay with me. It wasn't my looks. So, it **_must_** be her love for me.

I pull myself up off the bed and limp to the shower. I had a shift at the diner I needed to get ready for. I had Hunk to see. And Allura. I _needed_ to see them. Otherwise they would think something was wrong. They would blame Nyma. It's not Nyma's fault that I didn't listen to her. She only wanted what was best for me after all.

 _If someone is hurting you physically, mentally, or emotionally and refuses to change; leave them._

The words of the mother who had picked her son up from my apartment this morning run through my head and I bite my lip. That didn't apply to Nyma did it? No. she was helping me. She was making sure that I was healthy and that I would live a full life.

 _She was helping me. Not hurting me._

I step into the shower and relax as the water flows over the bruises and marks. I don't scrub at my skin. It was a fruitless endeavour. It wouldn't stop me feeling dirty and used. It just made the bruises ache more and take longer to heal. Instead I let the flow of the water ease my aching muscles. And slowly the flow of water relaxes my mind. Reminding me that everything is okay. That Nyma is gone for a while. That I wouldn't feel the ache for a while. That everything will be okay. That I wold be okay.

Sunrise Diner. Just seeing it made me feel a lot more relaxed. I knew neither Nyma or Rolo would follow me here. Rolo because he didn't care, and Nyma because she hated how fat Hunk's food made me. Not that I minded, it was nice to have a second spot where I was free from them. Even if coming here was something Nyma didn't approve of. I needed some way to pay for rent and this was it.

I wander through to the kitchen and smile seeing Allura and Hunk talking. It was after seven at night and we never got many people during this time, which meant the three of us had time to talk in between the few customers we got. I grab the apron and tie it around my waist before checking I had my order book and pen in the pocket.

"Hey guys." I say before walking over to them. They both smile softly seeing me and I can see both their eyes scanning over the exposed flesh for bruises. Bruises that I had covered with makeup despite Nyma hating it. However, she was gone. I could do that if I wanted. She wouldn't know and it stopped my friends worrying about me. Which was why Nyma had tried to limit her bruises and injuries to parts of my body always covered by clothes. Rolo however, had no such reason to try and limit his injuries to my body.

Allura hugs me loosely as Hunk keeps flipping the egg and I sit next to my sister. I know Hunk generally made food for us all but wouldn't tell us what it was. He claimed the surprise was so much better for us and I never argued with Hunk when it came to food. Allura had at first, but that had been because she had been on a very strict diet. It was a diet neither me nor Hunk thought she needed to be on, but we offered to help her with her diet as best we could. And once we had helped; Allura had accepted letting Hunk cook and enjoyed his food.

"What you cooking Hunk?" I ask and lean into Allura's hug. She made me feel safe and I had missed hugging my sister. She hadn't appreciated Nyma in my life but when she had discovered that I wasn't shifting on the fact that I love her, she had stopped asking me about it. But, I knew she still hated the fact I was with Nyma.

"Just a simple egg sandwich, want one?" Hunk says, smiling when he sees us hugging. He dishes up the sandwich and slides it to Allura. He too had done what Allura had. He disliked me seeing Nyma, but knew that I was stubborn and refused to give up on my love. So, he too had dropped the subject.

"Of course." I loved Hunk's egg sandwiches. He always managed to get it so when you popped the yolk it leaked. I had never managed to do that. I had only met Hunk that knew how to do that. He had tried to teach me, but I could never do it. Within three minutes Hunk is sliding me a sandwich and I feel so much better for eating. It was the first thing I had eaten today, and it felt good.

We sit and talk for a while, until we hear the door to the diner open, I stand up immediately, claiming to have got this one and blink seeing the man in front of me. He was absolutely stunning. His hair messy, and shirt dishevelled. Scars across his face and one sleeve is flat and empty. Yet, the man clearly looks lost, so I decide to ignore his appearance and focussed on serving him.

"Hello, welcome to Sunrise Dinner, table for one?" I say as I cross to him, picking up a menu as I walk. I keep my eyes focused on him, hoping that it would make him feel more comfortable. He must get people staring all the time, I wanted to make sure that he had a nice time here. After all the diner was my safe haven, so I wanted to make a safe haven for other people too.

"Oh, yes thank you." His voice shows his surprise at just how much I'm treating him as a normal person and it saddens me slightly. I got the feeling he was an extremely nice person; he was just a bit down on his luck at the minute. Smiling as I lead him to the booth furthest from the door, I vow to make him smile before he leaves the diner.

"Shall I get you some water while you look over the menu?" I say as he sits down. I'm already sliding the menu to him as I talk and I notice he makes an effort to maintain eye contact with me. Whether it was out of politeness or just habit I smile as he nods and I skip off to make his drink.

I didn't know how much mobility he had in his other arm, but with the other missing, I assumed it wasn't much. That and as he sat down he hadn't put his hand on the table to make it easier. He had just struggled and sat down. It meant he probably couldn't lift a cup if I gave him it, so I grab a glass of water and a straw before walking back to the table.

"Here we go." I say as I put the glass down before adding the straw with a flourish, as though I did this all the time. "Take your time ordering, our cook won't mind." I say and go to turn when he coughs.

"I know what I want." He says and I blink, but pull out my notepad ready to write it down.

"Oh, you do? Well then I'll take your order."

"Strawberry Cheesecake please."

"Excellent choice." I smile warmly as I write it down and head back to the kitchen. I look through the fridge were all our cakes were and smile seeing a slice left in the fridge. The mystery man outside was lucky we had some left, Allura normally ate any leftover cheesecake. I pick a fork up as I walk back out and I smile when I reach him again.

"There we go sir. One strawberry cheesecake. If you need anything else, just shout." I say with a grin as I put the plate down. I decide not to ask if he needed help. He could probably manage it, after all he had gotten himself here. And his accent wasn't one of this town, so I think he could hold his own. I blink noticing him reading my nametag and I shift so that it's easier for him to see.

"Thanks Lance, I will do."

Several hours later I was the only worker left in the diner. Allura and Hunk had both left to do some assignments and I was left to clean and lock up. It's as I'm wiping down the booths that I notice that the mystery man from earlier was still there. I had taken his plate away when he had asked for another drink of water, but he was just sat looking out the window.

"Sir, do you have anywhere to go?" I call out as I moved to his table to clean that with the wet dish towel. Was he going to join the list of people that had stayed in my apartment when they had had nowhere else to go? Possibly. He still looked lost, but if I could help him, I wanted to do so. But as I answer that question something seems to dawn on the man next to me.

"No I don't, do you know where the nearest hotel is?" He asks softly and I let out a small laugh. A genuine laugh as I pass him his bill so he could pay.

"My mama would kill me if I let you sleep in a hotel. Come stay with me Takashi." I say as I see the name he signs the bill with. It's shaky and hard to decipher, but years of reading my younger siblings writing meant I had practice with it. "It's free of charge, I'll even make pancakes in the morning, you seem like a pancake kind of person." I say with a smile and when Takashi hesitates once again I look at the floor.

Three minutes' pass before he speaks and I grin when he does; _"Sure. Lead the way Lance."_


End file.
